When you live with some long-term types of mental illness, certain behaviors and thought patterns can quietly hold you back. These aren't unique to specific diagnoses but affect many of us.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. We develop habits and patterns that feel like lifelines, but they're secretly anchors, keeping us stuck in place.
Here are a few traps that can hurt your progress and keep you stuck.
There's the urge to recreate your happiest memories. When you’ve had few good times, it's easy to believe the secret to happiness is buried in those old moments. You replay the same games, visit the same places, thinking it'll make you feel that same joy again. But it never works. The reality? It’s not about the activities or people, it’s about the mental state you were in at the time. When you're too focused on recreating the past, you miss the opportunity to build new happy memories.
Second-guessing every emotion
Another common pitfall is assuming your feelings are always wrong. With anxiety, depression, or trauma, it’s tempting to think every emotional reaction is exaggerated. Sure, some reactions may be heightened, but not every feeling you have is an overreaction. Second-guessing everything leads to passivity and undermines your relationships and boundaries. Trust that not all your emotions stem from mental illness.
Living vicariously through others
We also have the habit of attaching ourselves to others—sometimes fictional characters, sometimes real people—who seem to live the lives we wish we had. It’s an easy escape, but it only deepens the dissatisfaction with our own lives. You need to step back into your own life to find real fulfillment, not someone else’s.
Forgetting our own backstory
We gaslight ourselves into thinking our struggles aren't valid. You might say, "I'm such a loser for not having a relationship" without acknowledging that your anxiety has made dating impossible. You know your backstory, yet you judge yourself as if you don’t. Don’t ignore your context. Own it, understand it, and use it to push forward.
These patterns might feel safe, but they're quicksand. The more you struggle against them, the deeper you sink.
So, what's the alternative?
It starts with awareness. Recognize these patterns when they show up. Challenge them. Ask yourself, "Is this really serving me, or is it just comfortable?"
Real growth isn't about recreating the past or living through others. It's about building a life that works for you, right now, with all your complexities and challenges.
It's not easy. It's not quick. But it's worth it.
If any of this hits close to home, or you're wondering if you've fallen into these traps yourself, I've got something for you. Check out my video on recognizing and challenging unhelpful mental health patterns.
- Scott
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