Pop-culture exploded the fad of psychological self-diagnosis. Social media channels will lead just about anyone to identify with some kind of mental health condition - real or imagined.
But when real psychological conditions are applied to people without those conditions because of pop-culture misappropriation, bad things happen.
The terms "narcissist" and "depressed” - for example - are real, valid, and define actual psychological conditions. However, they are being blatantly misapplied at an alarming rate, causing an increase in actual psychological issues.
Mislabeling normal behaviors as pathological has fostered fear, misunderstanding, and a cultural backlash. Many now overcorrect, becoming overly self-critical to avoid appearing narcissistic or "selfish."
I want to tell you what these things are—and what they aren’t—and show how this misapplication is impacting our culture. Most importantly, I’ll help you see a healthier way forward.
The Hidden Cost of Minimizing Yourself
When you constantly minimize your own value, it’s like living in a world of people who prioritize themselves—because you don’t. Your needs, feelings, and boundaries get overlooked, even by you. Over time, this self-neglect compounds, feeding depression and anxiety. What makes it even harder is the fear that loving yourself a little more will turn you into a narcissist. It won’t.
The truth is, narcissism and healthy self-love aren’t the same thing. Narcissism involves placing yourself above others—believing you’re more deserving of love or respect than anyone else. Healthy self-love, on the other hand, simply means treating yourself with the same kindness, respect, and compassion that you readily extend to others. It’s about including yourself in the circle of humanity, not setting yourself apart as “better” or “less than.”
Treat Yourself as You Would a Friend
Imagine a friend who had a tough day and didn’t get much done. Would you berate them for being lazy? Probably not. You’d recognize that they’re struggling and remind them of the good reasons they deserve some slack. So why don’t you do the same for yourself? Why is it so much easier to offer compassion to others than to yourself?
Loving yourself starts with small acts of perspective-taking. Next time you’re hard on yourself, pause and ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Or, “What do I know about my own life right now that explains why I’m feeling or acting this way?” This isn’t about making excuses; it’s about acknowledging the reality of your experience.
Rebuilding Your Relationship with Yourself
Forgiveness is another piece of the puzzle. If you’re holding on to mistakes from your past, think about how you’d handle those mistakes if they belonged to someone you love. Would you let them drag down your entire relationship, or would you work to understand and move forward? The same effort is worth it for yourself.
I’ve shared more about how to move from self-deprecation to healthy self-love in a video. You can watch it below. My hope is this will help you see yourself in the right light and keep from that downward spiral of self-hatred, low self-esteem, and poor self-concept.
- Scott
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