Nov 14 min read

How To Grieve Someone Who Is Still Alive

Grief doesn’t always involve death. This misnomer leaves a lot of people helpless in dealing with some of the most difficult and confusing experiences of life. Grief is a natural response to any significant loss. Yes, it happens when someone we care about has passed away, but we also experience it when these people drift out of our lives, or choose to walk away.

In fact, grieving someone who’s still alive can be even more challenging than mourning the dead. This kind of grief comes with its own pain, its own hurdles, and a unique emptiness. When a friend, partner, or family member is no longer in your life but still out there somewhere, the lack of closure can make it all the more difficult to move forward.

Unlike death, where there’s finality, grieving a living person often leaves us wondering “What if?” or “Could I have changed anything?” It’s natural to question what went wrong, to feel guilt or regret.

These feelings trap us in a place where the pain doesn’t diminish; it stays, suspended in uncertainty. I’ve seen this happen with so many, including myself. One of my closest friendships fell apart unexpectedly, and that loss stayed with me for years - much longer than I thought it would. It wasn’t until I accepted the finality of that loss that I found peace.

If you struggle with this type of grief, - and many do - here are a few strategies that may help.

Letting Go When They’re Still Out There

The first step to healing is accepting that they’re gone—even if they’re technically still alive. This acceptance doesn’t come easily, but it’s essential. Holding out hope for them to come back keeps you stuck in a cycle where the pain remains raw. I know this from my own experience, where holding onto hope only made the grief last longer.

Moving forward means allowing them to “die” in your mind, to emotionally and mentally treat the relationship as one that has come to a natural end. It may hurt more initially, but by accepting the loss fully, you can finally begin the process of letting go.

Validating Your Grief

Grieving someone who’s alive often feels invalid, as if it’s less “real” because no one has died. But this loss is just as significant, and your grief is just as valid. Society tends to downplay the pain of a breakup or an estranged family member, but minimizing these losses doesn’t make them hurt any less. Allowing yourself to see this as real grief begins the process of mourning in a healthy way. This may mean letting yourself cry, taking time off, or whatever you would do if this person had passed away. Give yourself that permission.

Protecting Yourself from Constant Reminders

It’s already hard enough to work through the pain without constant reminders of what was lost. Triggers are everywhere—a favorite song, a special place, or even an item they gave you. Taking small steps to reduce these triggers can help you move through the grief without being constantly pulled back.

This doesn’t mean you’re erasing them or disregarding the memories. Instead, you’re creating a safer space to heal. This might mean putting away photos, rearranging certain things in your environment, or setting boundaries that allow you to avoid unnecessary reminders of them. Little changes like these can make a world of difference, helping you get through each day without being constantly overwhelmed.

Reclaiming Memories and Experiences

There’s another powerful step in healing—one that involves reclaiming your memories. When someone leaves, it’s easy to let all the things you enjoyed with them slip away as well. Reclaiming those memories doesn’t mean erasing them; it means creating new associations. If there’s a song or place you shared with them, reintroduce it into your life under new circumstances.

I had to do this with a movie that became a painful reminder of my loss. I watched it with other friends, and over time, those new experiences helped me take back something that once felt too painful to face.

Moving Forward

Healing from this kind of grief is complex and rarely a straight path. There’s no shortcut, no “quick fix” to get past the pain. It takes time, and it takes accepting that, sometimes, the people we care deeply about won’t stay in our lives.

By accepting the loss, validating your grief, reducing triggers, and reclaiming your experiences, you can find a way to move on. It won’t happen overnight, but with each step, it will get a little easier.

If this resonates with you, I’ve shared more insights and personal experiences in the video below, where I talk through these steps in greater detail. Grieving someone who’s still alive is one of the most painful journeys to navigate, but healing is possible even when it feels unreachable.