Past mistakes, failures, choices, and circumstances may be haunting you right now. Things you desperately wish you could forget, but know you probably never will.
You can't actually change any of this - which you know, and kind of makes it feel worse. But the regrets you feel about things you've done or things that have happened to you can hold you back in an entirely different way.
We all have regrets. Things we've done that make us cringe when we remember them. But there's a crucial difference between healthy regret and the toxic monster of shame.
Guilt says, "I made a mistake."
Shame whispers, "I am a mistake."
See the difference? It's subtle, but it's everything.
Shame is like a parasite. It attaches to your identity, twisting your self-image until you can't separate who you are from what you've done. It's exhausting. It's isolating. And it's keeping you stuck.
Shame only has one job. It's designed to push you from denial into contemplating change. That's it. Once you've decided to change, shame becomes dead weight. So why do some of us cling to it?
Often, we fear that letting go of shame means we'll backslide into old behaviors. Nothing could be further from the truth. Shame is actually what keeps you stuck.
Here's your action plan:
Challenge your inner critic:
When shame-based thoughts arise, pause and ask "Is this actually true? What would I say to a friend in this situation?"
Practice self-compassion exercises daily:
Set a reminder to spend 5 minutes on guided self-compassion meditations or affirmations.
Reframe past behaviors:
If you're struggling with an ADHD or addiction-related past, recognize how those conditions influenced your actions. This isn't about excusing behavior, but understanding context.
Create a "shame-free" zone:
Designate a specific time each week where you allow yourself to exist without judgment. Use this time for self-care or enjoyable activities.
Reach out, carefully:
Share your struggles with one trusted person. Remember, vulnerability is earned - choose someone who has demonstrated true compassion.
Remember, you are not your mistakes - whatever they are. You are a human being, growing and evolving. It's time to leave shame in the past where it belongs.
- Scott
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