Emotions can be absolutely terrifying. They are unpredictable, illogical, chaotic, and they can absolutely shut us down and cause us Unbelievable pain at times
Despite all that, your emotions are not the enemy of your life.
In fact, they can be valuable insight into your present experience. They will only cause you agony when you don't understand your relationship to them.
Approaching your emotions as allies instead of enemies will help you control them and make better choices for your life. I’m going to show you how to do this.
Many of us are never taught how to understand, validate, or live with our emotions. Instead, we try to shut them down or escape them, creating an endless cycle where they grow louder and harder to manage. But with the right approach, you can learn to navigate even the most intense feelings without letting them take over your life.
Let me give you an example. Imagine you text someone you care about—a partner, a close friend. Normally, they respond quickly. But this time, hours pass with no reply. Your mind starts spinning: Are they mad at me? Did I say something wrong? Are they pulling away? Hurt and rejection flood in, and before you know it, you’re overwhelmed.
To escape the chaos, you might turn to unhealthy coping strategies—negative self-talk, binge eating, substance use, isolation, maybe self-harm. But then the person finally texts back: “Sorry, I took a long nap. I’ve been feeling off lately.” Suddenly, all that pain and panic seem misplaced.
The problem wasn’t the initial feeling of worry or confusion. That emotion was valid—it made sense given the situation. The real issue was the inability to sit with and process that feeling without spiraling into catastrophic thoughts or harmful actions.
Emotions like anger, sadness, and fear aren’t “bad.” They’re unpleasant, yes, but they’re also crucial. Anger, for example, lets us know when someone is crossing a boundary. Fear signals danger. Even sadness can connect us to what matters most. The key isn’t to silence these feelings but to listen to them, to validate them without letting them dictate harmful behaviors.
When we acknowledge and validate our emotions—even the messy, painful ones—they tend to lose their intensity. Instead of spiraling, you can begin to understand: What is this feeling trying to tell me? What do I need right now? It takes practice, but building a relationship with your emotions rooted in compassion rather than conflict is possible.
I’ve explored these ideas further in a video, including actionable steps you can take to better navigate your feelings. You can watch it here.
- Scott
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